My self appreciation

Now I just can see a big mountain, it's no easy to get to the top, for a mysterious reason I have to ge there; what will find there? I don't simply know, will I be reward on doing this? who cares, the only goal is going on.

I climb day by day, and of course I start feeling the obstacles of this. All of them are around me, no compassion can be found on them, the rain, the wind, the mist, everything works against me. It's not necessary to mention the big weight upon my shoulder, but I keep in the game.

Wasn't it supposed to feel Your hand pushing up? Giving me the courage to keep on this? I thought all my life that way. But no!, You perfectly know my heart, I'm not complaining of You, I'm not just about to deny You that would really affect me. In my mind I have got to the understanding that You're there for me, as You always promised, probably I misunderstood, because I was expecting You there to help me, not only keeping an eye on me just in case I fall, not only ready to have Your hand below me in my fall but actually that's the way I see this now.
God, I feel lucky You chose me, and I'm sure You know how helpful it can be the push up in my life, in my selfesteem, in my moral, etc. But as I read in your Word "good things come to those who believe", I'm waiting in Your time for the rest of all those good things, for sure they will come to me, Your mysterious ways we don't know, we just can wait.